[c/o Miss Brooke-Gwynne, Buckden, Skipton, Yorks.]
Itravels, trips and plansEH's 1937 summer in England;c7TSE's 21 August Campden visit;b3 have written to Mrs. Perkins to explain that I cannot come until the 1.45 on Saturday; meanwhile I hope to hear from you what are your final plans; whether you will come to London and spend Friday night here (IMrs Lister (wife of 'Lister');a2 think the situation at Russell Square is now such that I can sleep there: I have seen Mrs. Lister about, though I have not seen the twins) and come down with me, or whether you prefer to return via Gloucester.
AsHale, Irene (née Baumgras)oppresses EH;b5 for Mrs. Hale and her letters. It seems to me that one ought to take as long a view as possible. I see nothing in her letters to indicate that she is likely to become more mentally irresponsible than she is. She speaks of having enough income, and I hope that her capital is safely tied up with trustees, so that she cannot invest it on the advice of spirits etc. I think that with people like her one must remember that everything one does for them is only entertainment for the moment, that the craving for attention and sacrifice is insatiable, and that the line must be drawn when more permanent values are at stake. TheEliot, Margaret Dawes (TSE's sister)compared to Irene Hale;c4 best thing for her would be to become at least self-dependent, like my sister Margaret. (I think there is this difference, that while Margaret is just as liable to complain of members of the family to other members, I believe her to have too strong a family feeling to complain of them to outsiders. This could hardly be expected of Mrs. Hale in any case, as it isn’t her own family, and she never took the trouble to adopt it when she might have done – but my point is that you should be prepared, so as not to be upset if you found that Mrs. Hale had maligned you or the Perkins’s to outsiders).
IHale, Irene (née Baumgras)her effect on Campden life;b6 can only rejoice, of course, that she did not join you this summer. Now I imagine that the Perkins’s will want to continue to come to England for part of the year, for as many years as they can travel about – they might even wish to settle here in the end, who knows? But with every year they will be less fitted to cope with a visitor like Mrs. Hale. If she started making a practice of coming to Campden in the summer, she would encroach more and more, and in the end would have to be thrown off, which would be painful all round. But really, even two years ago, the state of gloom to which she could reduce your uncle was almost unbearable. Even if you were there too, that would merely add another victim, without your being able to spare them enough. And for yourself, certainly your first duty is towards your employers and pupils – to use your holidays for physical and mental restoration so as to be able to do the best by them in the winter – your second duty towards your aunt and uncle – a duty to Mrs. Hale only so far as it did not conflict with the first two: that is to say, a very little way indeed.
I should not take Mrs. Hale’s suffering too seriously. In her reaction to your letters there is a certain amount of envy and jealousy. Of course she would enjoy being in a place where a succession of different people were provided without any trouble on her own part, but she enjoys her grievance, and she would not be really happy even at Campden. The pleasant situation for her would be where she had two or three tame old gentlemen to pay attention to her; for really she likes only masculine society, and has no use for women and no ability to take an interest in them: but that is a situation that no one can provide for her to order. There is no harm in reminding her that she really was invited (though this won’t console her at all); only, be guarded for the sake of another year – to have her with you for as much as two months would be a very bad thing: at most, a stay of three weeks, or two visits of a fortnight each, and she should understand that she would have to shift for herself the rest of the time. Which she is quite able to do: if she can make shift at American country or seaside hotels she could do the same in England, and she ought to learn to travel about in steamships alone. The more she was with strangers the better, because in these cases outsiders can be of more use than relatives and connexions. It is a pity that she has no religion except mumbo-jumbo; but there again is a matter in which only outsiders, preferably fresh acquaintances which she made for herself, could have any influence upon her.
In general, it seems to me that one has to try to get quite clear, in every case as it turns up (and no two are quite the same) what are one’s duties towards a person and where they stop. It is bad to be haunted by the suspicion that one is sacrificing too much for somebody; and it is bad to be haunted by the suspicion that one is not doing enough. These problems have to be cleared up. LovingChristianitylove;c1loving one's neighbour;a1 one’s neighbour as oneself 1 does not mean immolating oneself, but regarding both equally. One is not called upon to love one’s neighbour absolutely and oneself not at all: there is no unlimited obligation except to God.
Well I think I’d better stop at this point, and wait to find out if what I have been saying is at all the sort of thing that responds to your need in this matter. If not, I’ll start afresh.
Not clear from your writing whether you want the letters back or not. I think they might as well be destroyed.
1.Matthew 22: 39 (the Second Commandment): ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.’
6.MargaretEliot, Margaret Dawes (TSE's sister) Dawes Eliot (1871–1956), TSE's second-oldest sister sister, resident in Cambridge, Mass. In an undated letter (1952) to his Harvard friend Leon M. Little, TSE wrote: ‘Margaret is 83, deaf, eccentric, recluse (I don’t think she has bought any new clothes since 1900).’
3.IreneHale, Irene (née Baumgras) Hale, née Baumgras, widow of Philip Hale, celebrated as the prolific and influential music critic of the Boston Herald. Irene Hale, who was herself an accomplished pianist, had studied at the Cincinnati Conservatory of Music, where she gained the Springer Gold Medal 1881, and continued with her studies in Europe under Raif and Moritz Mosckowski: she later wrote music under the name Victor Rene.
1.AnneMrs Lister (wife of 'Lister') Ridler, Memoirs, 122, onLister (caretaker at 24 Russell Square, formerly Faber's butler) Mr and Mrs Lister, the caretaker and his wife at 24 Russell Square: ‘Lister had been butler to the Fabers at their house in Frognal, and used to regale me (when I stayed late at the office) with stories of his experience there and at the Front in the First World War […] Lister was critical of his employers: “I think you Miss might have more sense in running this place than what they do.” Now he and his wife had twins, and occupied the top floor of No. 24.’