[c/o Revd J. C. Perkins, 90 Commonwealth Ave., Boston]
T. S.Eliot
EmilyHale
TS
Shamley
Letter 22
Letter 22
1 January 1943
Dearest
I was more happy and relieved than I can tell you to receive your two last letters from Grand Manan, the 15 and the 25 of November simultaneously. I was rather glad that the first was delayed so as to arrive with the other, because, in spite of your cable, I should have been distressed at reading of the long period when no letters arrived. I hope that my Christmas cable arrived in due time: I thought of sending another, for New Year’s Day, to let you know of the receipt of these letters; but I understand that so many cables were being sent this year that there might be considerable delay, and it did not seem right to add to the volume with which the post office and the censors have to cope.
I am also glad to see your handwriting gradually returning to normal. We must expect, I fear, that letters will be very slow for some time to come, though three weeks for sea mail no longer seems surprising, in view of some of the delays I have heard of. My writing to Boston was due to a doubt whether you would find Grand Manan the right place, and might leave earlier than you expected.
To say that your second letter made me happy does not seem quite the right expression, except in so far as one means by happiness the best that is possible in the circumstances. There are things that one will say in a letter when there is a definite prospect of meeting in the future at some probable date, even when it may be a year ahead; butHale, EmilyTSE's love for;x2apparently undimmed but dwarfed by war;e4, especially at the beginning of the war, which I felt would probably be a long one – with the prospect of increasing restriction of movement, and knowing also that I should not feel easy in conscience in leaving England for any time unless in some public service, I was apprehensive of creating, or increasing, any misunderstanding which only conversation could clear up. On the deepest level, as you should know, my feelings remain always unchanged. But the sense of happiness (on balance) and pride, and of all the benefits reaped, has to be felt to be to some degree mutual; and when one fears that they have been only on one’s own side, the fountain dries and the flowers fade and one suspects that it has all been an illusion. The worst nightmare is that in which it appears that what one had thought was give and take (not that this quantitive, measuring way of putting it is at all adequate) was all taking and no giving, or giving of something which was not the best thing or the thing wanted. But in any case, you must be sure of my love, which no change of aging or maturing can alter.
I am so glad to know you have made up a little weight!
Your loving
Tom
Hale, Emily, visits the Eliots for tea, returns to Boston, likened to TSE's mother, TSE identifies with her 'reserve', encouraged to write for periodicals, visits West Rindge, summers in Seattle, presents herself as cossetted, blames herself for an unfulfilled life, returns to Boston, consulted over TSE's Norton Professorship, holidays in Castine, vacations in New Bedford, TSE fears accident befalling, travels to stay in Seattle, Frank Morley on Ada on, arrives in California, brought to tears by music, goes horse-riding, baited over how to boil an egg, TSE passes old school of, takes motoring holiday via San Francisco, summers in Seattle, TSE composes squib for, takes TSE's hand in dream, returned to California, TSE sends Harvard Vocarium record, holidays in West Rindge, returns to Boston before embarking for England, arrives in England, to travel to Paris, returns to London, feels inferior to 'brilliant society', invited to Sweeney Agonistes rehearsal, attends Richard II with TSE, attends Sweeney Agonistes, takes TSE to Gielgud's Hamlet, taken to see Stravinsky conducting, leaves for Italy, takes tea at OM's before leaving, mistaken for TSE's sister, returns to Florence, sails for the Riviera, returns from France, returns to Chipping Campden, to Guernsey with Jeanie McPherrin, taken to Henry IV on return, shares open taxi with TSE through Parks and Whitehall, and TSE attend The Gondoliers, visit to the Russian ballet, invited to Murder in Canterbury, and TSE attend 1066 And All That, taken to Tovaritch, and Morleys set for ballet, which she excuses herself from, criticised for flower-arranging, and TSE walk in the Cotswolds, feels inferior to Margaret Thorp, and TSE theatre-going with Thorps, taken to Timon of Athens, taken to Peer Gynt, visited at Campden for TSE's birthday, takes lodgings in Oxford, lodges at 19 Rosary Gardens, watches TSE read to Student Christian Movement, and TSE visit Kenwood House, dines with the Maritains, describes tea with the Woolfs, returns to America, visits Ada on Boston homecoming, possible career-move into politics, pays winter visit to Rindge, and Eleanor Hinkley attend New York Murder, moves to 154 Riverway with Perkinses, considers volunteering for charity, living at 5 Clement Circle, holidays in Cataumet, returns abruptly to Cambridge, recuperates in New Hampshire, moves to 240 Crescent St., Northampton, Mass., lectures at Concord, returns to Brimmer Street, returns to Boston during vacation, sails for England, in residence at Chipping Campden, travels to Yorkshire, returned to Chipping Campden, returns and moves to 22 Paradise Road, Northampton, Mass., spends Thanksgiving in Boston, stays at Hotel Lincolnshire with the Perkinses, vacations at New Bedford, visits New York, holidays in Charleston, as patron of school, returns to Northampton, sails for England, day at Windsor with TSE, fortnight at Campden with TSE, at Campden with TSE again, returns to America with 'Boerre', ordered to stay in America in case of war, given Family Reunion draft with her comments, encouraged to write drama criticism, vacations in New Bedford, advises TSE against Tewkesbury choruses, holidays with the Havenses, sails for England, at Chipping Campden, stays with the Adam Smiths in Scotland, returns to America with Perkinses, safely returned, sent copy of TSE's daily prayers, sent first CNL, sends TSE selected American plays, holidays in New Bedford, spends Easter in Harwichport, holiday destinations, holidays in Cape Cod, returns to the Perkinses at 90 Commonwealth Avenue, stays with Elsmiths in Woods Hole, holidays on Grand Manan, visits Perkinses in Boston, returns to 90 Commonwealth Avenue, holidays in Madison, Wisc., travels on to Maine, holidays on Grand Manan, holidays in Bangor, Maine, as president of S. P. C. A., spends Christmas holiday in New Bedford, holidays in Woods Hole, loans out her Eliotana, removes from Smith to the Perkinses, spends time in Maine, repairs to New Bedford, spends time in Tryon, N. C., returned to Boston, spends three days in New York, shares details of will, holidays on Grand Manan, leaves TSE portrait in event of predeceasing him, late summer in New Brunswick, vacations in New Bedford, repairs to New Bedford, resident in Millbrook, takes short holiday at 'Bleak House', holidays on Grand Manan, visits Woods Hole, visits New Bedford, holidays in New Bedford, spends holiday at Sylvia Knowles's, holidays in Dorset, Vt., holidays briefly in Farmington, holidaying on Grand Manan, TSE seeks Trojan Women translation for, moves to 9 Lexington Road, gives Christmas readings, congratulates TSE on OM, urges TSE not to despair at honours, spends Easter in Boston, race-relations and the WPA, sings Bach's B Minor Mass, removes from Concord to Andover, on life in Grand Manan, congratulates TSE on Nobel Prize, resident at 35 School Street, Andover, summers between Boston, Woods Hole, New Bedford and Grand Manan, recounts journey to Grand Manan, takes The Cocktail Party personally, then repents of doing so, post-Christmas stay in New Bedford, reports on Cocktail Party's opening, summers between Chocorua and Campobello, tours westward to California during summer holiday, attends British Drama League summer school, holidays in Grand Manan, asks TSE for occasional poem, week in the Virgin Islands, summers between Mount Desert and California, spends holidays in New Bedford, recuperates in New Bedford, returns, briefly to Chipping Campden, Eleanor Hinkley reports on, writes to EVE, sends EVE photograph of TSE, makes tour of Scandinavia, approaches TSE on Smith's behalf, which approach TSE declines, writes to TSE on GCF's death, moves back to Concord, pays visit to Seattle, reacts to TSE's death, writes to EVE, meets EVE, dies, appearance and characteristics, her shapely neck, TSE's memory for certain of her old dresses, particularly four dresses, which TSE then describes, TSE begs EH to describe her clothing, in silk, autumn 1930, costumed in a 'Titian wig', EH encouraged to gain weight, EH encouraged to tan, her Jantzen suit, TSE begs a slip of hair from, her gold-and-green tea gown, her Praxitelean nose, EH congratulated on 'perm', EH refuses TSE lock of hair, her voice, Guardsman dress, as a Botticelli Madonna, her hands, recommended skin-cream, 'new goldy dress', TSE inquires after, in TSE's dreams, 'new and nuder' swimsuit demanded, her black dress/red jacket outfit, dressed in blue, in charming black dress, her sense of humour, her New England conscience, the famous apricot dress, her hair, various dresses, EH's idea of new dresses, EH hair cut in the new style, blue dress worn following masque, as actor, as Olivia in Twelfth Night, in the Cambridge Dramatic club, as Roxane in Cyrano in 1915/16, as Judith Bliss in Hay Fever, EH considers giving up for teaching, in the 'stunt show' with TSE, as Beatrice, TSE hopes, in The Footlight Club, in Berkeley Square, in The Yellow Jacket, EH praised over Ruth Draper, under Ellen van Volkenburg, cast as an octogenarian, in The Old Lady Shows Her Medals, TSE speculates as to her future in, and teaching, as Lady Bracknell, TSE begs to write part for, in The Footlight Club, potentially in summer theatre company, as the Duchess of Devonshire, potentially in The Family Reunion, Cambridge Dramatic club reunion, The Wingless Victory, in masque with TSE, in a Van Druten play, as Lodovico Sforza, in play by Laurence Housman, as Madame Arcati in Blithe Spirit, with Paul Stephenson, in Kind Lady, joins the Dorset Players, as director ('producer'), La Locandiera, Lady Gregory's The Dragon, Dust of the Road, Comus, possibly temporarily at St. Catherine's, Va., chorus work at Smith, Electra, Quality Street, The Merchant of Venice, Dear Brutus, Christmas play, Richard II, Hay Fever, Christmas pantomime, The Dorset Players, a reading of Outward Bound, Molnár's The Swan, Dulcy, The School for Scandal, Fanny and the Servant Problem, Dear Brutus again, Twelfth Night, Prunella, Christmas play, Antigone, The Merry Wives of Windsor, As You Like It, The Admirable Crichton, Holy Night, The Tempest, as teacher, EH lectures on 'Modern British Verse', as a career, at Milwaukee-Downer College, Mich., at Simmons College, Boston, EH considers post at Scripps, which she accepts, arrives at Scripps, establishes drama workshop at Scripps, EH lectures on TSE, EH's advice that TSE lecture less slowly, as described by Scripps student, and being admired by students, TSE sees her teaching as a kind of acting, requests year's leave from Scripps, resigns position at Scripps, declares intention to teach again, possibly, temporarily, at St. Catherine's, Va., possibly at Smith, post at St. Catherine's rejected, appointed to position at Smith, is installed at Smith, reappointed with pay-rise, reappointed again for two years, her work at Smith, unsettled at Smith, in time of war, insecure over job at Smith, from which EH takes 'sabbatical', let go by Smith, takes job at Concord Academy, appointed to post at Bennett Junior College, Millbrook, appointment to permanent Concord position, EH thinks of giving up, lectures on Family Reunion, her work at Concord Academy, resignation from Concord Academy, takes permanent position at Abbot, EH admits to being sheltered by, retirement from Abbot, according to Abbot Academy tribute, birthdays, presents and love-tokens, EH's birthday compared to TSE's, TSE sends Terry–Shaw correspondence for EH's birthday, EH sends TSE pomme purée, present from EH, flowers for EH's birthday arrive too soon, EH wearing TSE's ring, two rings bought for EH, EH bought typewriter, TSE 'cables' EH roses, TSE consults EH over potential present, TSE's second 'sapphire' ring for, EH refits new rings from TSE, TSE receives flowers for Christmas, EH given 'powder box' for Christmas, EH's present to TSE goes amiss, missing present (calendar) explained, EH left cigarettes by TSE, EH gives TSE cigarette case, TSE necklace-hunting for EH, pearls suggested for EH, EH bought sapphire bracelet, EH gives TSE a signet ring, EH bought blue-gray scarf, EH gives TSE silk handkerchiefs, TSE has signet ring engraved, further ring sought for EH, EH with TSE on his birthday, EH gives TSE initialled leather portfolio, TSE given ashtrays and matchbox, furs sought for EH, EH gives TSE stool, roses sent to EH on birthday, TSE given diary and hairbrush box, TSE given rosary and print, EH buys TSE towel rails, TSE receives diary for Christmas, 1810 ring bought for EH, EH buys TSE various ties, war means no flowers, EH's lapis lazuli ring, TSE neglects to cable EH, EH knits socks for TSE, which turn out large, EH sends TSE 'snowflake' socks, EH remembers TSE's birthday with reference to Shakespeare, TSE sent marmalade and liver-paste, EH writes poem for TSE's birthday, EH sends TSE provisions, EH loses sapphire from ring, diamond circlet given to EH in 1939, EH gives TSE socks for Christmas, TSE gives EH 'evening bag', EH unthanked for Christmas present, correspondence with TSE, TSE petitions EH to bestow on the Bodleian, TSE exalts as authoritative, TSE envisions as reading-group, the only writing TSE enjoys, TSE as Cyrano to EH's Roxane, TSE's dependence on, TSE's nights spent planning, TSE rereads with pleasure, the strain of interruption, switches to Air Mail, TSE on his decision to renew, TSE marks first anniversary of, keeps TSE sane, TSE hopes to telephone, TSE wishes to maintain when in America, EH would withhold from the Bodleian bequest, from which TSE tries to dissuade her, TSE violently dependent on, TSE begs EH that it be preserved, less exciting to EH than at first, TSE's horror of sounding sermonic, if such a correspondence were profitable, and TSE's respectful reticence, EH suggests entrusting to Willard Thorp, but subsequently explains she meant Margaret Thorp, EH's to do with as pleases, and the prospect of TSE writing every night, TSE still rereads with pleasure, excites TSE too much to write smoothly, compared with talking, phone call finally arranged, which finally takes place, EH importuned to write more, TSE promises three letters a week, EH refuses more than one, a solitude within a solitude, EH switches to typewriter, which TSE offers to buy, observed weekly by EH's students, flatters TSE most when EH writes undutifully, TSE's dread of EH rationing, TSE's efforts to moderate himself within, TSE imagines the unsealing of, TSE offers to cease, a place to vent one's feelings, TSE rebuked for 'intolerance' within, EH learns to type, hinders TSE from work, TSE on life before, third anniversary marked, thwarted by TSE's self-loathing, TSE doubts having pursued, restraints on TSE's ardour lifted, more constrained by day, TSE worries about burdening EH with, worth TSE getting home early for, by day, by night, TSE specially treasures recent 'love letters', more delightful since EH's reciprocation, and TSE's diminished ardour, switches to transatlantic airmail, constrained by war, opened by censor, and Shamley Green post-office, TSE apologises for, EH free to dispose of, within limits, particularly constrained by EH's letter of 1939, and the experience of delay, TSE equivocates on preserving, varied with airgraph, again, EH's to do with as she pleases, still intended for Bodleian, TSE chastened for short cables, TSE's letters 'undemonstrative and impersonal', post-war frequency, being and not being loving by letter, EH asks TSE to reduce, TSE criticised for following monthly injunction, TSE rebuked for impersonality, EH formally bequeaths to Princeton, TSE unfussed as to repository, TSE reiterates 50-year prohibition, TSE's worries as to future appearances, EH promises Princeton her statement on, promises letters with ten-year seal, attempts to shorten TSE's moratorium, which TSE refuses, which forces EH to relent, TSE encouraged to return EH's letters, EH deposits further material with Princeton, EH makes 'recording' for Princeton, EH renews plea to shorten moratorium, and is again refused, TSE destroys EH's letters, TSE repents of severe letter, which EH never receives, EH suspects TSE of destroying her letters, EH instructs Princeton to discard 'recording', EH ultimately respects TSE's wishes, EH on TSE's destruction of her letters, family, her father, her childhood compared to TSE's, TSE desires family history of, EH encouraged to keep younger company, EH's unity with parents, EH's relations with aunt and uncle, EH's relations with aunt and uncle, EH photographed with parents, and EH's obligations to, finances, health, physical and mental, admits to breakdown, TSE compares 'nightmares' with, TSE's desire to nurse, suffers neuritis, then neuralgia, recommended suncream, suffers arthritis, suffers with sinuses, her teeth, experiences insomnia, suffers 'hives', suffers crisis body and soul, feels depressed over Christmas, suffers neuralgia, suffers intestinal flu, has shingles, admitted to hospital, convalesces on Grand Manan, recuperates in Washington, Conn., photographs of, as a child, Edith Sitwellesque photograph, in 18th-century costume, in 18th-century French costume, in broad-brimmed 'picture' hat, TSE buys Kodak, in deck-chair, eating sandwich, in a car, 'the Beautiful one', which TSE has enlarged for his dressing-table, painful, because taken in the 'interim', in bacchanalian pose, 'Semitic', among young people, set 'Elizabeth' giggling, Diana Mannersesque, are mnemonic aids to TSE, kneeling beside can of flowers, TSE's favourite, with ordinarily sized hands, smoking in chair, as child with big ears, taken on TSE's arrival in Claremont, in Jane Austen fashion, in unfamiliar jacket, taken in autumn, with mother and father, as a child, in TSE's note-case throughout Blitz, in Wingless Victory, as child, in gold frame, in familiar jacket, taken with Boerre, surround TSE at Shamley, with baby, in a group, of EH's portrait, in sailor suit, all inadequate, carrying lamp, with Rag Doll, at Campobello, reading, Henry James, Letters from Baron Friedrich von Hügel to a Niece, All Passion Spent, Bubu de Montparnasse, F&F thriller, Eyeless in Gaza, Dante, Hopkins and Roosevelt, Henry Irving: The Actor and His World, relationship with TSE, TSE's first acquaintance with, its abnormality, runs to admiration from EH, and TSE's habitual reserve, its morality under examination, defended by TSE, its susceptibilities envisaged by TSE, EH admits estrangement within, and TSE's desire for intimacies, provokes sorrow and fury in TSE, confided to the Perkinses, Miss Ware and Father Underhill, TSE's chance to be frivolous, and the prospect of TSE's Harvard year, TSE dates first meeting to 1905, whereas EH dates to 1915, TSE's terror of renewing in California, teaches TSE true companionship, runs to a 'kiss', as perpetual progress and revelation, EH offered manumission from, if TSE were not married, seems more real for TSE's American year, TSE's reasons against marrying, TSE fears having misled over, EH again offered manumission from, EH writes to Ada concerning, EH blames TSE for his ardour, then apologises for blaming TSE, leads to unhappiness in EH, possible drain on EH's health, its perceived inequalities, pity and gratitude would corrupt, TSE conditionally promises marriage, TSE sees as an imposition on EH, potentially richer for meeting TSE's friends, EH 'kisses' TSE, EH rests head on TSE's shoulder, EH strokes TSE's face, as consubstantial union, TSE's love finally reciprocated, mutual embraces, EH kissed on the right foot, TSE favoured with birthday kiss, exhausting, should proceed without hope of marriage, TSE again regrets misleading EH, as one of mutual dependence, its unsatisfactions, its seasonal rhythm, but for VHE would be marriage, EH seeks post-war clarity on, and the prospect of VHE's death, following VHE's death, TSE reflects on the deterioration of, TSE reflects generally on, and men and women generally, according to Theresa Eliot, EH reflects on, since TSE discounted marriage, had TSE behaved differently in 1914, its new dispensation, source of mutual anguish, apropos of TSE's second marriage, EH's marriage regret, EH recoils from publicising, TSE re-evaluates, EH writes to EVE about, religious beliefs and practices, claims experience of 'vision', admits suffering spiritual crisis, goes on retreat, and TSE's definition of sainthood, compared to TSE's, professes to resent the Church, makes retreat to Senexet, the issue of communion, the possibility of confirmation, source of worry to EH, confronts TSE on religious differences, TSE on her 'Christian spirit', fears TSE considers her damned, TSE pointedly refrains from criticising, unclear to TSE, TSE's love for, and their conversation in Eccleston Square, declared, in 1915, and TSE's desire to be EH's spiritual possession, source of serenity to TSE, the strangeness of not broadcasting, first felt in 1913, recognised by TSE the night of Tristan und Isolde, TSE's reasons for not declaring in 1913, what TSE said instead of declaring, a pain of sorts, unconfided to friends, not immune to jealousy of EH's male friends, its passion tempered by religion, and the torment of resignation, defiled by possessiveness and anger, and a particular journey back from Pasadena, in light of California stay, increases his desire to quarrel with EH, TSE doubts decision to declare, eternally unconditional, shows TSE true meaning of tenderness, defined by TSE, violent, clarified and strengthened by Chipping Campden reunion, disquiets EH, obstructive to EH loving another, TSE initially relieved to find unrequited, queered by inexperience, TSE repents of over-prizing, startles TSE, like 'a burglar', strengthened and deepened, irrespective of physical beauty, finally reciprocated, ideal when unreciprocated, relieved only by poetry, as against love's travesties, as expressed in Burnt Norton, over time, apparently undimmed but dwarfed by war, and the first time TSE spoke EH's name, thwarted by question of divorce, EH questions, now better adjusted to reality, argument over communion challenges, would run to jealously but not marriage, as expressed in 1914 on Chestnut Hill, TSE's names, nicknames and terms of endearment for, 'Lady', 'Dove', 'My saint', 'Bienaimée', TSE's reason for calling her 'Dove', 'Isolde', 'My Lady', 'Emilie', 'Princess', 'Lady bird', 'Birdie', 'riperaspberrymouth', 'Emily of Fire & Violence', 'Bouche-de-Fraise', 'Bouch-de-Framboise', 'Raspberrymouth', not 'Wendy', 'Nightingale', 'Mocking Bird', 'Love', 'My true love', 'my Self', 'Emilia' and Shelley's Epipsychidion, 'my Own', 'Girl', 'Western Star', 'Darling', 'My Life', 'My Lamb', 'Beloved my Female', 'My own Woman', writings, an article on 'Weimar', letter to The Times about King's jubilee, account of communion at Beaulieu, EH asks to write about TSE, review of La Machine infernale, review of Dangerous Corner, a note for S. P. C. A., an 'epigram', 'Actors at Alnwick', 'An Etching', 'The Giocanda Smile', 'The Personal Equation in Spoken English', 'A Play from Both Sides of the Footlights', 'Summer Sunshine: A Memory of Miss Minna Hall', 'They flash upon the inward eye',