[No surviving envelope]
I do not like having to write to you from the office; I like to wait to get back to my rooms which belong to us more than my room here does, and where there is no interruption, and I can be with you alone – ListerLister (caretaker at 24 Russell Square, formerly Faber's butler)talks chimneys;a5 has just been trying to explain to me all the technicalities of the repairs to the flues of this house, I was rather distrait – butBrownes, the Martinintroduce TSE to Saint-Denis;a7 tonightSaint-Denis, Michelhas proposal for TSE;a2 I go from here to the Brownes’ to meet St. Denis as I told you, and I don’t know how early I can be alone with you, present or absent. Two letters were on my tray this morning, and I thought perhaps this is all – and when I got here there were TWO more, so you see there is no end to surprises. The first two took up a good deal of the morning, you may be sure; then I read a third after lunch, and saved the fourth till late after tea, when nearly every one had gone. I call this all one letter, however; and the four together make I think the loveliest letter than any man could get, and no man could feel prouder than I do now. I have never had such a letter; and no letter you have written me has given me such delight of joy and of course pain too, but mostly exaltation, so that every few moments I was really quivering with happiness. That my Lady should love me so much!1 Me! Darling dear, I am so happy that the voyage has brought you happy contact with new (and rather out of your way) human beings; and I want to feel that because of what has happened to us, you will henceforth have an assurance, and an enjoyment of human society, that is new. I like to think too that it is the love and happiness that has come to us that radiates through you, and attracts other[s] to you more strongly. So you see I am both jealous and not jealous at once. BesidesHale, Emilyrelationship with TSE;w9as consubstantial union;e3, I have felt something to-day that had been growing, but which had not had such complete joyous conviction before: I spoke long ago of the delight of feeling that I belonged to you, and recently of our belonging to each other. Now it seems to me that we have reached a new more profound state, in which ‘belonging’ is taken up into something more wonderful still, a state in which I am in you and you in me. Mere ‘belonging’ implies a possessiveness, or a pleasure in being possessed, which still implies a certain separateness, and I feel that we have transcended that stage. We are each partly the other, and all fused together, Love my Love.2 It is so wonderful for two people to be able to open themselves so completely and so confidently and so naturally and unashamedly or unselfconsciously to each other.
IHale, Emilyappearance and characteristics;v7TSE begs a slip of hair from;b2 love what you said about your hair. InHale, Emilyappearance and characteristics;v7her hair;d4 which letter did I speak of wanting to brush your hair for you, and you would teach me to brush it so as not to disturb the waves. Your hair will be something to look forward to when I come. Do you remember that once I ask[ed], rather timidly, for a bit that you could spare; and you replied (in a footnote) ‘perhaps – sometime’?
And I feel that you have gained a new power of expressing yourself; there is an inspiration in your letter.
It will be several days before I can write except in expressions and ejaculations of ecstasy. Now I must stop, but perhaps another note at bedtime.
1.Cf. Malvolio in Twelfth Night, II. v.: ‘I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me, for every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me.’
2.See the chorus to the Cornish folk song, ‘I love my love’ (set by Gustav Holst, 1917): ‘I love my love because I know / My love loves me.’
1.AnneMrs Lister (wife of 'Lister') Ridler, Memoirs, 122, onLister (caretaker at 24 Russell Square, formerly Faber's butler) Mr and Mrs Lister, the caretaker and his wife at 24 Russell Square: ‘Lister had been butler to the Fabers at their house in Frognal, and used to regale me (when I stayed late at the office) with stories of his experience there and at the Front in the First World War […] Lister was critical of his employers: “I think you Miss might have more sense in running this place than what they do.” Now he and his wife had twins, and occupied the top floor of No. 24.’
2.CompagnieSaint-Denis, Michel des Quinze: theatre production company organised by Michel Saint-Denis (nephew of Jacques Copeau), together with the playwright André Obey, at the Théatre du Vieux-Colombier, Paris, 1929–34.