[41 Brimmer St., Boston]
Theretravels, trips and plansTSE's 1932–3 year in America;a7who writes and destroys a response;a5 is only one Emily, and I would never voluntarily or consciously offend her; and I am still grieved that I should even for a moment have tempted you to write a severe letter to me; though if it was written, I am rather sorry that it was destroyed and not sent; because I should always like to know all your feelings towards me, from moment to moment. And yet, if you will understand what I try to say, it is not so much the giving you pain as the misunderstanding which would grieve me. For in a way I should mind less giving pain to you than to a stranger! For to hurt you would be to hurt myself, and I could not distinguish clearly between your pain and mine; and as I might be willing to hurt myself so I might be willing to hurt you. Just as I could not praise you to others as easily and clearly as I might be able to praise someone indifferent to me: because, if you will pardon the impertinence, I could not sufficiently detach myself from you or you from me. You just are, and are the whole world. And conversely, I should not like to think that you were ever fearful of hurting me: for where there is perfect understanding, the hurt doesn’t hurt.
I have not yet fully answered your previous letter, and now to-day comes your welcome long letter of the 14th (and your Christmas card has arrived, but I did not open it this morning). Thank you for all you say about the broadcast: I am surprised that none of my sisters was present, and I hope that they heard elsewhere. MyEliot, Henry Ware, Jr. (TSE's brother)hears TSE's Dryden broadcast;a3 brother heard in New York, and I have a letter from him this morning. Nothing from Harvard: I think I may cable Murdock to enquire. IHale, Emilyas actor;v8in Berkeley Square;a9 am glad to have the programme of ‘Berkeley Square’, and now I shall try to obtain the text, and see for myself what sort of part they gave you.1 It must from what you said in your last have been a fatiguing affair, and I hope you are resting now. But I long for some portrait of you in your period costume; and you know that 18th century costume does suit you; and you know that there is one person at least to whom your youth will last forever. I am glad that you are not starving physically now; but sometimes I get into most unchristian frenzies in thinking of the spiritual and social and emotional starvation of your life. But this, rather than any previous, is my Christmas letter to you – I hope to send a little cable on Thursday2 – I may not have time to write again till Monday – I shall not attempt to put more information, any information, into this, or even general thoughts: only my unexpressed unexpressible [sic] thoughts for my beautiful Lady, my Dove.
1.Berkeley Square (1926), by John L. Balderston (with J. C. Squire): a time-travelling play based on Henry James’s The Sense of the Past (1917).
2.TSE sent this radiogram on 24 Dec.: ‘Pour le Noel et la Bonne Annee’.
3.HenryEliot, Henry Ware, Jr. (TSE's brother) Ware Eliot (1879–1947), TSE’s older brother: see Biographical Register.