[41 Brimmer St., Boston]
I was never happier than to get your letter of the 14th. I had to come to the office on Saturday morning, because in your last letter you had half-promised me another letter within a week – found no correspondence at all – flung down to the secretaries’ room, and finally unearthed
1.—APilsudski, Marshal Józef;a1 letter from Marshal Pilsudski’s aide about a contract.1
2.—A note from someone asking for the return of a ms.
3.—A card from someone asking to review a book.
4.—Three newspapers
as part of the morning correspondence; but I reassured myself a little by observing that there did not seem to be any American mail at all; and consoled myself by rereading all your previous letters. Monday I had to spend the morning with my dentist; but came as soon as I could and found your letter. And so my only disappointment was that I have not yet got my photograph that is promised me (I wonder will there be a doll in it named Belinda – see what odds and ends I happen to know!).
WellHale, Emilyrelationship with TSE;w9runs to admiration from EH;a3, my paragon, your words made me nearly giddy with excitement: though it seems to me fantastic that you should be able to ‘admire’ me, and absurd that I should be admired at all. But there is the happiness of receiving something – a gift of Grace2 – which one is quite aware of not deserving at all; besides, I shall try very hard to deserve it. And I can and do return full as much admiration to you. Sometimes I am struck all afresh with the wonder of it all; and sometimes I perceive that it is growing and developing all the time. IHale, EmilyTSE identifies with her 'reserve';a4 understand about reserve; for it is very hard for me too; and in some essential ways I am quite as inexperienced as you, and IHale, Emilyrelationship with TSE;w9and TSE's habitual reserve;a4 have never in my life before felt ‘unreserved’ with anybody; indeed my life has made me even more clam-like than I am by nature – I think that the few women who have offered me quite desirable and pleasant friendships have always found me singularly stiff, formal and roundabout. Were I with you I should never want to be alone; but with everyone else, I feel after a little time that I must retire by myself to recover from the fatigue of their company.
I often think of your father and mother. InEliot, Henry Ware (TSE's father)death;a1 my case, my father’s death was much more painful to me than my mothers [sc. mother’s]. There are several reasons for that: he died first, and quite unexpectedly to me – I did not even know he was seriously ill till I got the news of his death. Then of course he regarded my staying in England as a disaster; and he did not live long enough after that to come to think that I had made a name for myself. MyEliot, Charlotte Champe Stearns (TSE's mother)her pride in TSE;a3 mother lived long enough to take immense pride in my success, which of course she exaggerated; and it gave me some happiness to feel that I could give her such pride; and I got rather closer to her in the last few years. ButEliot, Charlotte Champe Stearns (TSE's mother)screened from TSE's domestic nightmare;a4 writing to her was a severe strain, because I had to make everything appear as rosy (and to change the metaphor) as whitewashed as possible. I don’t think she ever knew how things really were; she certainly did not from me. AndEliot, Charlotte Champe Stearns (TSE's mother)her decline and death;a5 for about a year I knew that she was failing slowly, and I had to face the fact that I should never see her again: so when she died, it was on the whole a sense of relief that I felt.
Why do I work all this off on you? Well, I feel now that I have the right to; but dear I find my letters very poor recompense for yours. I always thought it merely a romantic fancy to suppose that (for me, at all events) I should ever find anyone so sympathetic and understanding – more than those words can convey – so much part of myself, or I for you. I only don’t want your feeling towards me to blur your critical faculty however! Though I confess I love you to overrate me.
Now I have not yet had time to read your article,3 which I am eager to do, and will write about next time. Absurd trifles interfere and take up time in my life. I have heard from the Spectator that according to their records the Weimar paper was returned to you; so I fear that is hopeless. Was it the only copy? You should never send the only copy; send me everything you write, but keep copies yourself.
IAmericaFarmington, Connecticut;e5place of EH's schooling;a1 wonder if I shall have a letter on Saturday? or Monday? and tell me about Farmington.4 You are never out of my thoughts.
1.The contract related to The Memories of a Polish Revolutionary and SoldierPilsudski, Marshal JózefThe Memories of a Polish Revolutionary and Soldier;a2n (F&F, 1931) – the memoirs of the Polish nationalist leader Jósef Pilsudski (1867–1935).
2.A gratuitous favour bestowed by God. ‘By grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God’ (Ephesians 2: 8).
3.Not identified.
4.EHAmericaFarmington, Connecticut;e5place of EH's schooling;a1 had completed her schoolgirl career at Miss Porter’s School, Farmington, Connecticut.
6.CharlotteEliot, Charlotte Champe Stearns (TSE's mother) Champe Stearns Eliot (1843–1929): see Biographical Register.